George Lucas. Michael Bay. “McG.” Bloated Hollywood billionaires who’ve built their empires on the shattered remains of our childhood dreams. Since the ‘90s, the advent of computer technology has graced mankind with larger stomachs, unavoidable pornography, and the complete destruction of the film industry. Big budget movies used to be packed with daredevil stunts, ambitious effects work and innovative ingenuity. Now we’re treated to an aromatic buffet of Jar Jars, Shreks and even darker offenses. No thrills, no chills… just the 64-bit machinations of overpaid, Dorito-addicted studio schlubturds.
Admittedly, most of America has been too dumb to notice, but anyone with two eyes and half a mind can see that movie magic is being violently murdered, and tonight WE FIGHT BACK!! CGI is hereby on trial, and we’re presenting enough evidence for you the jury to send it straight to the electric chair! So prepare yourself for a brutal barrage of twisters, scorpion kings, sharktopuses and farting little buddies, as we hack into the mainframe and set that buuuuullshit on FIIIIRRRRE!!!